Day 13 - Wanderlust

Day 13

Lucky no 13..well..nothing lucky here. Nothing much happening. I need to do something. My life feels so empty.

I have been praying a lot, these couple of days. After my breakdown, I submerged myself to praying, to not feel lost and depressed. I feel my faith renewing. I started a lot of novenas with the same intention. It just something to do to fill the moments praying and praising the creator and not focusing on other worldly disappointments.

I feel peace and calmer now. I can see clearly what is missing in my life, and I'm just wondering how can I fill those empty spaces. 

I've always dreamed of seeing the world since I was a little girl, even though then there was no internet to search for interesting places and books only tell so much,.. everytime I look the hills, I wonder what's behind it. Who's living there. How's the sunrise looks like from where they are... and a million more questions I asked with no answers. I always thought I'd grow up and go places, and experience stuffs and meet people. But life went the other way. 

I thought high school would be a good one, but it don't. It's just a start for every sad thing in my life. But that's another story I'm not really want to get into at this moment. I just want to try to move on with a better thoughts and vision of the future.

Because here I am in my 30s, still trying to find myself. When I met him, I felt that I found my purpose. A wife to a loving man, with the hopes of helping each other to be the best person individually and for each other. We made plans, and we talked about the future together, but again, life took a turn.

It's easier when things turn around when you're younger, coz you (maybe) have time to create another path and probably have a life when you're in your 30s. It's always harder when you're 30 and above. You thought that life has settled, then it just turn around and left. I am still trying to find my ground. I still don't know what I'm going to do. Luckily I don't have a child to carry on to this mess...or is that just sadder, that I don't have one in this age?

Well, that's life. And I'm praying that life gets better after this. I can't lose hope now. I have so many lost times. It's time to see the world.

That's what I've been thinking today. I pray that it's in God's will for me. 

I have wanderlust...